bn_cognizant's Datingish

Learning from His Example- Helping Those Less Fortunate

Tue, 25 Nov 2008 18:02:56 GMT

After watching the news about how Brenden Foster, a terminally ill boy wanted nothing more than to help those who were less fortunate than himself, I realized that in today's society the practice of selflessness is hardly ever seen. I am guilty of this too. Sometimes I get so caught up in the things I don't have and worrying about the troubles I have to deal with in my personal life, I fail to take the time to help out my fellow man.More Here...

When Your Relationship Is Moving Too Fast

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:38:57 GMT

Me and my sister stayed in the house this past weekend catching up on our favorite movies. While watching 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days," my sister asked me if it were possible for a guy to act the way Kate Hudson's character acted in the film. In other words, could there be guys out there who are very clingy, needy, and emotional when it comes to relationships? I told her definitely. More Here...

Treating Your Body As A Temple

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 15:45:46 GMT

A while back, I wasn't feeling the best. I was always getting headaches, my body was in constant pain, and I stopped eating healthy. I realized my body was trying to tell me it felt neglected, but with my crazy schedule, I continued to ignore the signs. At my latest doctor's appointment, I learned my bad eating habits along with my lack of exercise caused me to not only feel sluggish, but also make myself more sick in the long run.More Here...

Realizing I Was Wrong

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 18:05:01 GMT

I've been doing a lot thinking lately and I've come to realize that I've been in the wrong about a lot of things when it comes to relationships. For example, in my previous relationship I failed to give the relationship a chance. Me and my ex had the best of times and the worst of times, but the thing was I never fully explained what my issue was in the relationship. My issue was growth.

Truthfully, I didn't allow myself to grow from the relationship. I was afraid to let him care for me, so I constantly pushed him away. My self-doubts made it hard for me to listen to his feelings. Basically, I acted as if I didn't deserve him, so I ended it before he could realize how I truly felt. The more I think about it, the more I regret my decision. Deep down, I wanted that chance to work out our issues and continue being together, but I just refused to put the necessary work into the relationship. The funny thing is he's the most understanding guy I know. But like I tell my sister all the time: "you gotta deal with you before you deal with someone else." Too bad I couldn't take my own advice.

3 1/2 months after our breakup, I know now he didn't deserve that. I am grateful that he continues to love me, despite our relationship ending. The truth is I love him too. I just needed the time and the courage to allow him to love me in return. If he'd take me back, I'd go. I care about him that much.

Have your feelings/issues ever get in the way of a relationship? What happened?

Being Jealous of Your Partner

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 15:45:31 GMT

One of my friends has been feeling pretty sad lately in her relationship.Apparently, she not only got a great paying job with benefits, but she received a shiny, new car compliments of her parents. I was very happy for my friend, because she worked hard to get those things, but it seemed as if her bf wasn't so happy.

At first, he congratulated her, but then she said she noticed him becoming more distant. She said he even started to resent her. Whenever she offered to pick him up from his job, he refused. He even stop calling her for periods at a time coming up with bogus explainations about his attitude.

My friend didn't know what to do. She wants to believe deep down that he cares about her, but she's starting to realize his jealousy is getting out of hand. One day she asked," The thing that hurts the most is that if the tables were turned, I would never treat him like he's treating me. So what's his problem?" All I could do was sigh.

How do you deal with a bf or gf that's jealous of your accomplishments?

Let's Talk About Sex-ual Protection

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 14:47:48 GMT

When me and my girls sit around and talk about dating, the topic of birth control always comes up. We usually talk about our experiences with birth control and how it fits into our daily lives. Most of us swear by the shot, while others are quite content with birth control pills.

When asked if our significant others knew about our birth control options, they all replied their SO never cared to find out, and they never thought about informing them. I think both parties in a relationship should be equally educated about birth control. I always think it's better to be safe than sorry regarding birth control. My friend Al used to ask about his gf's contraception to make sure they were on the same page. They both would find the time in their relationship to discuss these option just in case anything were to happen.

Along with birth control options, there comes a point in every relationship where both parties need to discuss their feelings on sexual protection as well. I know that lots of people find that topic taboo, but if I love myself and believe in protecting myself and my partner doesn't , there won't be a relationship, let alone relations!

How do you discuss contraception with your SO?

Quiz: What Kind of Flirt Are You?

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:38:29 GMT

The other day I was thinking about how flirting plays into the dating game.It helps to know when someone's interested in you, but sometimes I find that I'm completely oblivious to the little clues. Thinking about all that flirting made me wonder what type of flirt I was. Then I stumbled across this iVilliage quiz which put my flirting style into perspective.

Quiz link:
http://quiz.ivillage.com/love/tests/kindofflirt.htm

What were your quiz results?

The Party Scene

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:56:20 GMT

This weekend I went out to celebrate my homeboy's birthday at this hot Carribean club in Long Island. It was a great scene. The music was on point and there were plenty of cute guys around to dance with.

The b-day boy happened to dance the night away with a girl he met through a friend of a friend. He was "in love." Not really in love for real, but you could tell he was really into her. he was trying to make a "love connection".My night was completely the opposite. I couldn't dance with one guy without another one asking to dance with me afterwards. I danced the whole night! (which never happens)

My other guy friend asked, "So you a guy magnet, huh?" I just laughed. It was funny because my club experiences have never been like that at all. Most of the time, I went out with my girls. I was in my comfort zone, so I never took the opportunity to actually meet other people I just stayed in my little clique. Going to this party by myself gave me the courage to trying something different. It was like I was another person.. I met new people and possibly found some future potential. Who knew it was that easy?

How do you handle the party scene?

Friends with Benefits...

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 14:35:33 GMT

The once great ideal of friends with benefits (FWB) has been reported by this New York Times article as not being all that it's cracked up to be. In other words, someone always gets the short end of the stick in this so-called relationship. Sure, as FWB you are friends, but the stress of possible falling for someone who isn't interested in you can really suck!

I've been there. Back in school, there was this cute drummer my friend introduced me to. We started hanging out and catching late night movies, but it was never identified as a "relationship." We were just good friends. After realizing he didn't want a gf, I made my think I didn't want a bf either, but it was too late. I already liked him past the idea of friendship.

The article goes to say that in some instances, some FWB remain FWB, while others either sever both the benefits and the friendship, or just remain friends without the benefits. I'm still friends with the drummer even though over benefits haven't been discussed for the year. In all instances, FWB have the option of less committed relations, but is all that stress worth it?

When People Become Desperate

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 15:36:18 GMT

After a break-up, I usually sit down and
see what went wrong in the relationship in order for me to learn from those mistakes. I also take a while to be alone and appreciate the things I've learned about myself. But there are others who quickly jump back in relationships because they tell themselves they are unable to function without one.

Take for example my friend Crystal. After she got out of her last relationship, you could always find her at the bar on the weekends throwing her self at some random guy. She was desperate for the attention. I understand that the unresolved issues of her past relationships made it hard for her to accept what makes her special, which in turn made her act they way she did. When all of my friends got together to give her some type of intervention, she didn't want to hear it. A couple days later, she was back in a unhealthy relationship.

Her desperation could be seen a mile away as she did anything the bf asked. She was so focused on trying to make the relationship work, it was like she stopped living her life. She only did the things he wanted to do. She stopped expressing her opinions on various issues, and she even dropped her friends like a bad habit. Her bf couldn't stand the fact that she didn't have a life outside of him and he dumped her. Crystal, then realized how her actions caused the relationship to end. She didn't want people to identify her as "that desperate chick," so she slowly but surely got on with her own life and started to appreciate herself.

How can you tell if someone is desperate? How can someone stop being desperate?